Tools for Life™️
A non-psychologist's guide to channeling your sensitivity-to-the-world into the thing that makes you awesome − not the thing that gets in your way.
This guide is part 2/2! Check out part 1 here.I recently wrote about my ADHD and ‘giftedness’ diagnoses and how I think that a lot of diagnoses boil down to the following two questions:
“How sensitive are you to the world around you?”
“Do you have the environments and tools to channel this sensitivity productively?”
When nerds like me have intense feelings, they (we) love to intellectualize and hyperanalyze them — this is usually a trap. Whether or not you can pinpoint what you’re struggling with, today we’re going to move past the ‘problem identification’ phase and fast forward into tactical-solutions-that-work territory.
Writing down all the tools I use to stay in the driver’s seat of my own life means I won’t have to problem-solve from scratch every time I’m struggling.
Feel free to pull these tricks out of your back pocket if you ever need ‘em.
ADHD / Distractibility / Sensitivity-to-Environment
For accepting who you are and working with it productively EXERCISE / SLEEP to reboot your brain, even if you don’t think you have time.
If your brain is overloaded, understimulated, bored, or overwhelmed, there are 2 immediate ways out — take a nap / go to bed, or go run around and get a little energy boost and brain clarity. This is an investment, future you will be more effective — you will gain more than you lose. I will say being *slightly* sleep-deprived sometimes seems to help me stay focused, to a point, but don’t let sleep debt creep up on you too much.
If possible, avoid order-of-operations-decision-making traps. For me, reducing the time between exercising and showering (either doing it at the gym or working out in my apartment building so I can shower right away) helps deal with the post-workout “I need to shower / I’m tired / I should unpack / I’m hungry / I’ve been sitting on my phone for 2 hours oops” cycle.
Join or start a workout accountability group to get constant peer pressure to actually remember to work out (like this one!).
FOOD IS FUEL.
Eat good and healthy food, even if that means you often eat at restaurants, get a meal delivery service, or rely on ✨low-budget charcuterie boards✨ (well-balanced plates of ingredients that require minimal preparation). If you’re not eating well because you’re pretending like you’re actually going to make home-cooked meals or meal prep someday, make a new plan. Being realistic means can gift your future self healthy choices and means you will have enough fuel to be at your best.
Healthy and easily-grabbable foods keep me going when I’m rushing out the door (because I’ve lost track of time) or when I don’t want to stop to eat / prepare a full meal (typically when I’m deep in a project). Carbs are the most grabbable food group, but set you up for wildly varying energy levels and blood sugar crashes. Protein moderates your energy levels but is less grabbable — meaning a lot of people don’t get enough. Starting my days with Greek yogurt changed my life. :D
Quick and easy foods to help you get enough protein:
Breakfast: greek yogurt / granola / berries OR an egg / avocado / tomato open-faced sandwich type thing
Lunch and Dinner: ham or rotisserie chicken or tuna sandwich, with spinach / pickles / cheese / mustard / mayo / tomatoes or whatever else you want or have in the fridge (get the ratio of protein:carbs to be as close to 1:1 as possible) OR canned soup (I recommend lentil / other soups with protein in them) OR some sort of charcuterie board thing. Frozen broccoli is also really easy to steam and I’m not really sure where to include it but it’s good for you.
Snacks: carrots and hummus, apples and peanut butter, trail mix / roasted nuts, ham and cheese and crackers, protein bars for snacks. Bocconcini cheese is a weird one but it’s fun. Replace your current snacks with a higher protein option and you will be full for longer.
Sample charcuterie ratios [left], Canada’s food guide suggested ratios [right]. Yours doesn’t need to be that elaborate. 🤡
ACCOUNTABILITY BUDDIES
Schedule forcing functions to keep you on track (calling a friend, meeting up with someone to study, scheduling a ‘check in’ progress meeting at work before you actually have the work done). I love early morning meetings because they force me to get out of bed. I also often try to trick myself into getting work done ahead of schedule by putting artificial deadlines in my calendar before things are actually due. Rushing for an 11:59 deadline and then realizing you still have 2 days left is awesome.
“Body doubling” (this is the official term). Work on homework next to a friend, or in a library where other people are doing the same thing. Don’t be afraid to ask people to come hang out with you just to sit quietly next to each other doing independent tasks. Moving out of my recent apartment, I made my mom come sit in the room while I mopped floors and cleaned toilets. Just having the presence of another person passively in the room goes a loooong way for me — both providing subtle pressure to remain on task, and keeping me aware of how much time has passed.
*and I only got distracted like ONE time. This is such a win. Do things on behalf of others so that you do them for yourself — find a person you’re writing a specific essay for, and have them set the deadline of when they need it. Share opportunities with others to bait yourself into finding them for yourself. Make a study sheet and send it to your study group to get yourself to learn the material. Cook a legitimate meal because you’ve invited a guest over for dinner. Go to bed on time so you don’t keep anyone else up late at night. We are better at taking care of ourselves when it conveniently coincides with taking care of other people. Use this to your advantage.
Phone a friend while doing tasks you know you have a hard time completing from start to finish. I like to be on FaceTime while folding laundry, packing for trips, mending, cleaning, and cooking (“hey, wasn’t there something on the stove?” 🤡) so that the jobs get done in the background while I get to have a fun conversation and connect with people I haven’t talked to in a while. I find conversations keep me more alert than watching TV or listening to music.
(this scenario has been dramatized for comedic effect)
CONTROL YOUR ENVIRONMENT (turning the ‘volume’ down)
External ‘volume’: People talking, loud music, rustling paper noises, flickering / too bright / too dim lighting, and itchy clothes are all controllable factors that will make your life ever-so-slightly more difficult for absolutely no reason. Stop worrying about being high-maintenance — if it’s distracting you and it’s controllable, don’t spend 3 hours trying to ‘suck it up’. You know what you need, cut to the chase set yourself up for success.
My key tools to “turn the external volume down” are a baseball hat to block peripheral lighting, noise cancelling headphones/earplugs to block noise, wearing layers of clothing to control for temperature, snacks to make sure I am fed, and putting my phone in a different room / giving it to a friend. If I have my phone with me, to “turn the volume down”, I rarely have Instagram / social media apps downloaded (I redownload every time I post 🤡) and am almost always on Do Not Disturb.
Internal ‘volume’: On the other end of the spectrum, silence, isolation, dull environments, and a lack of action can cause me to get equally distracted with random thoughts, side quests, and ideas with no perception of how much time has passed. That or I fall asleep.
Adding some ‘white noise’ to make this volume less noticeable but keep me alert is typically helpful, which is why I often work in public places. My ideal environment for studying is: indoors, with huge windows (so I can tell how much time is passing), one friend to study with (sitting side-by-side rather than across from each other), people walking by occasionally, and a charging port and waterbottle filling station nearby. I’ve also figured out certain playlists and songs to counteract whatever mood is making it hard to focus (sad? not anymore. sleepy? don’t be. brain spiralling? calm down. insecure? strut).
Sometimes the internal volume will not shut up — this is where writing comes in handy. My brother said that when his brain is in a loop of irrelevant thoughts (e.g. “here is a list of all the TV shows I like, boy do I ever like them!”), he jots them down in his notes app. That way they’re in a safe place, and his ‘head thoughts’ can be more relevant. I’m often gripped with a thought or the beginnings of an essay when on a walk or when I’m trying to study, and I’ve learned to allow myself 20 minutes to jot down the main gist just so I can get back to my day. Sometimes it’s easier to give in than to fight.
To quiet both external and internal noise, listen to thunderstorm noises. This genuinely unlocks something in my brain & is great if you don’t have noise-cancelling headphones.
Ideal 💕 laptop time 💕 setup.
LISTEN TO YOUR GUT, FOLLOW YOUR ENERGY
You will feel truly awesome when you work on the things you care about. Channel that hyper-focus, and GO AND BE EXCELLENT (If you want to — having hobbies where your only aspiration is to be mediocre is actually super great). The things I can’t stop thinking about demand my attention whether or not I want them to (most stuff I’ve put into the world begins as a shower thought, an in-class-distraction, or a ‘it’s 4 a.m. how did I get here’) — my attempts to harness this energy have lead to some really cool outcomes that I’m super proud of.
On the flip side, you will be significantly less awesome at things you’re forcing yourself to care about. Just because other people are capable, excited, or dreaming of doing a thing doesn’t mean you have to feel the same. Follow the advice of people you relate to who have lives you aspire to — this will be more relevant than the advice of ‘the most conventionally successful person in the room’. Instead of being frustrated with the things that are harder for you, forgive yourself and remember to celebrate all the awesomeness that comes with being you too.
Recognize that resting is not the only way to recharge. If you’re feeling exhausted and burnt out, sometimes the solution isn’t sleeping or watching TV, but doing something active that you can get energy from. Don’t quit the things you love, invest time in areas where “adding more” makes everything else feel like less. Edit a video project on a whim, go sing in the stairwell of the engineering building, or organize a silly basketball tournament bracket just because you think it would be awesome.
Listen to when your body is ready for deep work. If given complete autonomy over my time, I’m really good at getting stuff done in the morning (6am-12pm) and evening (6pm-12am). I try to avoid using the overnight 12am-6am block, but sometimes the focus is too good and I can’t resist. You’ll notice that the afternoon, 12pm-6pm (a good chunk of the typical work day) is not on that list. I find it best to use that part of the day for other things (e.g. exercise, meetings), but make use of accountability buddies / other tactics to help me focus in the afternoon if I need to. An important note here is that even if your sleep schedule isn’t consistent, make sure you’re getting enough (for me, anything less than 6 hours is a problem, so if I stay up late I also shift my schedule the next day to compensate).
COUNT DOWN FROM 1 (and then do the thing you’re supposed to be doing).
Counting down from 3 gives you too much time to change your mind. :)
Stress & Anxiety
For when your life is full of conflict, your calendar is too full, and your to-do list is too long. Especially for extended periods of time. Breathe.Zoom out and think about big-picture stuff. Think about how incredible it is that we figured out how to send rockets into space, turn vibrations into music, vaccinate against diseases, increase widespread literacy through public education, communicate virtually in real-time, figure skate, and love each other. I bring the picture book “Here We Are” by Oliver Jeffers with me every time I move to a new city.
This isn’t even an #ad. But you should buy it. On the off chance you are reading this and you also happen to be Oliver Jeffers, I would be very interested in doing paid promotion. My Linkedin DMs are open LOL. 🤡 Imagine how awesome “24 hours from now you” or “One week from now you” will feel. The assignment will be handed in, the test will be taken, the interview will be complete. Whether or not you do well, it will be over, and you’ll be able to flop in bed and rest. The minutes will keep marching forward (at exactly the same speed they always do), and you are getting closer to the version of you that is on the other side of whatever is stressing you out.
Ask for help and accept help when it’s offered. University was where I had my first anxiety attacks — getting someone to talk you through it and breathe deeply with you (in real life or on the phone) is essential. If you’re struggling and hesitant to reach out because you feel like a burden, consider how you wouldn’t think twice about helping a friend in need. Learning how to be an adult is 30% gaining independence and 70% figuring out how to support each other in healthy and sustainable ways. Life is a team sport, we are in this together.
Managing anxiety is about balancing your brain chemistry, not ‘willing yourself to be okay’. After an anxiety attack, you will have a huge energy slump from the adrenaline and cortisol leaving your body (anxiety is really draining in general). This can be really frustrating, but it’s in the past. Onward! Take care of yourself and if you can, give yourself the day off. If you really need to get it together, use the ‘reboot’ trick — either go sprint around or take a nap. Maybe have a snack. You’ve got this.
Part 2. Relax your nervous system with deep pressure. Weighted blankets and vests are awesome. You can also ask someone for a really long, firm, hug (this might feel awkward but it works). Sometimes I make my roommates turn me into a beanbag sandwich and sit on top (see diagram below). Asking for this means you have to be a bit shameless, but you will feel the physical anxiety symptoms melt out of your body. It is worth it.
Beanbag sandwich (for educational purposes). If you struggle to eat, have some crackers / protein bars / granola bars on hand. I’ve found that working out before trying to eat helps a lot. Pre-workout have some light carbs, and post-workout try to get some more protein / a larger meal if you can. Be proud of yourself when you can get food down, take it one bite at a time. Eating outdoors can also help, and don’t be afraid to ask friends to sit with you while you eat if distracting yourself helps. Something about roasting ur sandwich (verbally) while you eat it makes it go down easier??
This is a real thing that happened on the stairs of E7 before an important midterm. My friends are so awesome. If you struggle to sleep and can’t turn off your brain, play the audio of an old TV show (The Office and How I Met Your Mother are my go-to’s for this) with a timer that pauses the show after 20 mins. I did this all through high school to make my brain turn off. I still use this when I need to.
Finally, be relentless in preserving your energy. If a particular trigger or environment drains you, avoid it (if that’s possible). Don’t try to tough it out, it’s not worth it. Seek the accommodations you need to be successful (especially academically, but in all areas of life). Do what you’ve gotta do.
Anxiety (existential)
about the world, your purpose, the meaning of life, etc.You can’t do anything about the state of the world if you are breaking.
Eat, sleep, exercise. Spend time around the people who love you, spend a night giggling on the floor with friends, go ask someone for a hug. The world works best when everyone puts on their own oxygen mask first.
Part 3. You’ll sense a theme here. Recognize the scope of your influence and do small, meaningful, local things that can make the problem better (volunteer, help a friend, start something in your local community). If you’ve done this but are feeling disconnected because you’ve delegated all the on-the-ground work to others, close your laptop and go spend time with the real-world people who are impacted by the work you’re doing.
Pursue achievable goals alongside a team or community. Maybe this is a hockey team trying to win a provincial championship, maybe this is directly related to the issues you care about but you’re organizing events or fundraisers as part of a larger goal. Small wins are awesome and we need them.
Zoom in and distract yourself with non-heartbreaking, challenging (but solvable) problems. The fastest way to relieve yourself (temporarily) of existential grief is panicking about studying for a math test tomorrow. Yay for school <3
Do something for pure joy, where there is no possible way you could frame it as a productive activity. Go dancing, play laser tag, walk the streets at night, go lay in some grass. Do not cross an item off of your to-do list, and cooking doesn’t count because you need to eat for sustenance. There has to be absolutely no point in doing the activity beyond having fun.
That’s all I really feel qualified to speak on from personal experience.1
While the symptoms can be less than ideal, our bodies have built-in alarm systems that yell at us when we’re not taking care of ourselves (thirst, hunger, loneliness, nausea, skin problems, etc). As much as we think our brains control our bodies, our bodies make the rules — most people you admire have likely learned that lesson the hard way.
Hope this helps :)
Joss
Feel free to leave other tips & tricks in the comments or let me know personally so I can add ‘em & we can crowdsource 😎😎😎
SO TRUE you don’t need to “earn” rest👏👏👏
One of the best pieces of advice I’ve gotten is that resting is a skill. Framing rest as being "productive" because it helps enable future productivity has really helped me!